may this new year be a great year.

My grandma forwarded me this email and I am going to try and do more of these this year...

Handbook 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Share this with the people you care about.

Guest Post for GreekForMe

Check out the guest post I just wrote for GreekForMe:

Greeks Against Sexual Assault, by Kingsley Grafft

by greekforme on January 21, 2010

We recently had the pleasure of meeting Kingsley Grafft, Founder and National Director of Greeks Against Sexual Assault, and she wrote the following guest blog post for us. Sexual assault on college campuses is quickly becoming an epidemic, and with Kingsley’s passion and dedication to educating others about the issue, we can work to help prevent the growing number of sexual assault victims. Kingsley is an exemplary member of Kappa Alpha Theta, and we know her commitment to helping others will only further her future success!

Greeks Against Sexual Assault, by Kingsley Grafft

Becoming a member of the Greek community on your campus is an amazing opportunity. I know that my four years of college would have been far less exciting and entertaining without my sorority sisters, philanthropy events and fraternity parties. And certainly my wardrobe would have been much smaller without my letters, sweatpants, and t-shirts to accompany every event.

During my sophomore year I interned with University of California at Davis’ Campus Violence Prevention Program (CVPP). When I started, I was given one task: get Greeks involved and educate them about sexual assault and domestic violence.

So I began my research and was shocked at what I found.

• 1 out of 4 college women is sexually assaulted
• 50% of sorority women experience some form of sexual coercion
• 10.3% of college rapes happen in a fraternity house
• 90% of sorority women who are sexually assaulted know their assailants
Sources: Copenhaver & Grauerholz, 1991; Fisher, 2000; Warshaw, 1994.

I really believed that Greeks were simply unaware of these statistics; otherwise, they would be doing something to eliminate the problem and provide support to survivors. So in the spring of 2007 I founded Greeks Against Sexual Assault with the hope that I could pass along the information I had learned, and inspire others to make a difference on their own campuses.

The mission statement is this: Greeks Against Sexual Assault works towards increasing awareness, educating, and eliminating sexual assault and dating violence from the Greek community through peer education and activism amongst sororities and fraternities nationwide.

All it takes is a few Greeks to spread awareness and get their campus involved. I’ve been amazed by the programs Greeks have developed nationally and have seen the positive impact they can have. For more information visit us at www.gasanow.org or check out our blog at http://www.loveyounglove.blogspot.com.

Check out their blog at http://blog.greekforme.com/

What are you doing for others?

Hopefully you got to enjoy having yesterday off from work and/or school. I enjoyed sleeping in, catching up with old friends, and even plowing through some school work. Last week in the class I am student teaching we read an article about Martin Luther King Jr. as we were gearing up for the holiday. The article was from SCOPE magazine which is published by Scholastic and is an amazing resource for helping improve literacy skills. I was struck by this quote on the back cover:
How do we speak up about the things that matter in our lives? What could we all be doing more of?

Yesterday my calendar had the following quote from Martin Luther King Jr: "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'"

So I ask you, What are you doing for others? Find what you're passionate about and do that.

New Year, New Look, New Feel...

Happy New Year!

With the start of 2010, I decided it was time for the blog to have a little face-lift along with my twitter site (www.twitter.com/kegrafft).

This year there will be lots more blog posts: mostly written by me, but some of my friends will be making guest appearances as well.

The content will be changing slightly. Although the focus will remain Greeks Against Sexual Assault, sexual assault, domestic violence, and healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, there will be an added personal flair to my writing. Since Greeks Against Sexual Assault is only one of my passions, a few of my others might pop up from time to time as well.

Hope you enjoy...

Guest Post: Be a Gentleman.

This guest post was written by Spenser Tang-Smith. Spenser is in charge of operations at WebGreek and writes for WebGreek's blog, discussing issues in the Greek community.

Kingsley’s guest post on our blog about party themes brought me back to my very first college party. I was still in high school at the time, visiting a freshman friend living in the dorms. After a couple of beers, we hit the town so that I could catch a glimpse of the party scene.

Yes, we were underage…now that I’m a bit older, I promise I will never underage-drink again. Or, to put it less cynically, isn’t it scary how easy it is for youngsters to get booze? Anyway, back to the party.

I was completely blown away by what I saw when we went out that night. My high school was small, and the parties weren’t exactly wild. Everyone knew everyone, so the dress and behavior were pretty conservative. Well, this particular night saw us sneaking into a fraternity party (which apparently needed better security), and my young mind spun wildly from the pounding music, the lights, the hot and sweaty dance floor, and above all else, the girls.

I had never seen so many girls in my life! At least it felt that way. And what sent me into sensory overload was what little clothing some of them were wearing. Fueled by hormones and alcohol, I went over to the first girl I saw, who looked like she was dressed for the beach, and started dancing how I thought she wanted to be danced with. I was very very wrong, and let’s just say that my consolation prize was a drink without a cup, if you know what I mean.

Let me be clear: I’m not trying to excuse myself. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that what I was doing was wrong the moment I sauntered over. Acting on that impulse instead of taking a breath and listening to my conscience was not a good feeling, because I was selling myself short.

Let this story be a parable, a warning if you will. Guessing what a girl wants by her appearance, and acting on that assumption without clarifying, is at best dangerous and at worst it is illegal. I understood very clearly right then that exposed skin does not equal a hands-on exhibit. I absolutely regret my actions, but in retrospect, I’m very glad I learned that lesson early, before college even started.

I wish I could say the same for some of my peers, who had not had a similar experience in the past, or had somehow ignored the lesson. Walking down the street on a Saturday night (or in Isla Vista, any night), some of my friends and acquaintances were prone to remarks such as “Dude, that girl is looking to get laid tonight.” Believe it or not, gentlemen, that girl probably isn’t. She may be headed to a theme party, she may just want to feel sexy, but she is NOT wearing a sign on her neck that says “molest me.” In my view, she deserves respect for braving the chilly, foggy nights, when I found myself shivering in jeans!

So kudos to the ladies out there who wear whatever they want. The gentlemen will respect you regardless of your attire. On the whole, though, the reality remains that skimpy gets more attention than bundled up, all else being equal. It’s largely due to the fact that many men have the following graph in their heads:

Of course the above graph is satirical. Most of my best friends were great guys, as were the majority of my classmates. After all, we had gotten into one of the top public universities in the country, so we had to be doing something right.

If we want to make it so that sweatpants and sweatshirts are the same as lingerie in terms of making a girl popular at a wild several-hundred-person fraternity party, we’ll need to change a lot of things about college parties that are frankly not going to change, at least not soon. But a safe party atmosphere means that no matter how sexually charged the dance floor is, everyone is entitled to their personal space. A girl is never sending “the wrong signal,” or “asking for it.” End of story.

And guys, no one can stop you from looking, but if you don’t know her and don’t have the willingness to get to know her, at least respect her. You would not be happy if someone grabbed your wallet, because it’s stealing. You can be damn sure that grabbing anything of hers is also illegal, and even if it wasn’t, are you really going to be happy looking at yourself in the mirror later? Be a gentleman to every girl you meet, from every end of the clothing spectrum, and encourage your friends to do the same. Who knows, the word might spread that you’re a decent fellow! It worked for me, and unlike getting a drink thrown at you, I promise you won’t regret it.

Party like a rockstar? No. Party like a Greek!

Here's a blog post I just wrote for WebGreek. Check out their blog at http://blog.webgreek.com/.

It’s no secret that the Greeks throw the best parties. Every weekend, Greeks and non-Greeks alike flock to fraternity parties.

We know parties are a huge reason people join the Greek community. I went through sorority recruitment 8 hours after moving into my dorm room freshman year, and a week later I suddenly had my whole social calendar planned out for me. Although philanthropic opportunities, friendship, family tradition, and networking connections are also top reasons for joining, both Greeks and non-Greeks recognize the social life as a highlight of being Greek.

As a staple of college life, fraternity parties often set the tone of the Greek community, and project the Greek image to the rest of the college campus. It is important to realize the implications and pressures the party themes have on both Greek life and the people attending the parties.

For college freshmen, going to a fraternity party is practically a rite of passage. Seventeen Magazine’s blogger, Brita, even posted some tips for first-timers this past October.

On any given weekend, members of the Greek community are probably hosting or attending parties with themes like “CEOs and Office Hoes” or “Pajama Party” which inevitably turns into a lingerie party.

In November 2007, Yale Daily News ran an article called, “Feminism is not a bad word.” Throughout the article there is a discussion of party themes, female objectification vs. female empowerment, and the feminist movement on this campus.

Here’s a little excerpt from the article:

“Though his group’s parties are all named after natural disasters, Brad Hann ’09, president of Yale’s former chapter of Beta Theta Pi fraternity, suggests that other frats select these sometimes explicit themes to create a mood, rather than to marginalize or offend individuals. “The purpose of the theme of the party is to set the tone,” Hann said. “It doesn’t sound good, but it’s kind of meant to help create a sexually charged environment, and I think it’s intentional.” But whether the themes are intended to be funny, set a mood or simply suggest a particular dress code, the potential for offense still exists. And more troubling to feminists is the possibility that a sexual atmosphere may lead to unwelcome sexual contact, especially when alcohol is involved.”

And yes, I know what you’re thinking…women decide what they want to wear and if they want to dress like that why should we stop having parties with these themes. You’re absolutely right. Women do make their own choices about what to wear. And I would hope that if a woman showed up to a Pajama Party wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt instead of a barely-there negligee that she would have just as many guys talking to her. But, the reality is that these two outfits would garner two VERY different responses.

After a quick Google search of “fraternity party themes,” I found some that step away from the “Insert catchy title here and Hoes” themes and make parties a little more interesting:

- Alphabet Party (example: “P Party” everyone dresses up as something that starts with the letter P. We went to a party like this my freshman year and people dressed up as Post-its, Price tags, Princesses, etc.)

- Represent Your State (Finally a chance to show off your hometown pride at a party with a theme other than “NorCal vs. SoCal”)

- High School Cliques (Maybe even a Glee themed party…)

Lately, Greeks have been taking steps to host parties more responsibly. At the University of Michigan, IFC and NPC are coming together to increase risk management at parties. Fraternities have started making guest lists, checking ids at the door, and issuing wristbands to keep all guests safe. And don’t worry; with lots of college undergrads the party will have a sexually charged atmosphere regardless of what theme you choose.

Shallow party themes appear to be hosted by shallow people. As Patrick mentioned in his previous blog post, “If you run a deep search of the NIC, NPC, NPHC, and NMGC member chapters, you will find that consistent among the values that support our foundations are leadership, justice, friendship, morality, and service.” Show your campus that you and your brothers are clever enough to come up with something other than telling women they need to dress like ‘hoes.’ The solution to this problem is simple- step outside the stereotypical bubble of chauvinistic party themes and get creative without objectifying the women you are inviting to your parties. And women, project your sexiness with a few more articles of clothing.

So here’s my challenge…try out one of these new themes, or come up with your own.

Make it acceptable for just one night for a girl to be sexy by showing up to a Pajama Party in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Image courtesy of Victoria’s Secret

P.S. For the record, I know non-Greeks throw parties with these themes too…but they probably aren’t reading this blog.

Surprise 'flash mob' raises sexual violence awareness

Surprise 'flash mob' raises sexual violence awareness

By Melissa Collins

Issue date: 11/13/09 Section: News

Students performed a "flash mob" event Monday night in Linderman Library to raise awareness about sexual violence.

A flash mob is when a group of people carry out an unusual or surprising act that the public is not expecting.

"The point of a flash mob is to draw attention to yourself or to bring an issue into awareness," said Steve Bialick, '10.

Flash mobs usually last a few minutes. However, Monday night's event only lasted 90 seconds.

"We chose that time because every 90 seconds a woman is sexually assaulted," said Kristen Mason, '10.

At exactly 8 p.m., the group collapsed to the ground all at the same time. The students who were studying in the library at the time were generally confused and surprised.

"I didn't really know what was going on," said Nicole Cilcco, '13. "It definitely grabbed people's attention."

Kyle Nagarkar, '12, was also caught off guard.

"I saw it all coming together as a demonstration of some sort, but it caught me by surprise," Nagarkar said. "They handed out papers, and I couldn't help but read it. There was a lot of stuff that I didn't know."

After watching the event take place, Brandon Feil, '10, thought it was successful.

"It was a lot more in your face," Feil said. "It's good that they are bringing it to the attention of the Lehigh community in a more public way."

The flash mob event was organized as a requirement for the new Women's Studies class "Sexual Violence," that is taught by Michelle Issadore, the assistant director of the Women's Center.

"I intended for the class to be a way to talk about sexual violence in an academic setting," Issadore said. "I saw the need for it, and wanted to address that."

The class is offered as an introduction to the Women's Studies program, and it is also a writing intensive optional course. The course addresses a variety of issues, including sexual violence as a gender crime, the media's portrayal of sexual violence, rape culture, rape drugs, rape trauma syndrome, domestic violence, stalking and harassment.

The members of the class were prompted to organize an event in order to promote awareness of sexual violence and chose to do a flash mob because it seemed like it might have a bigger impact on the community.

"We were given an assignment to create an activism project, and we had over 50 volunteers help," Mike Doherty, '10, said.

The group decided a flash mob would be the most effective way to raise awareness.

"It's more of a surprise thing," Bialick said.

"It's to promote awareness because people don't know about it, especially at Lehigh," Mason said.

Issadore said the students were very enthusiastic about the project.

"The students really wanted to raise awareness at Lehigh, make it educational and make an impact," Issadore said.

The students who acted in the flash mob were all wearing shirts that had statistics and other facts about sexual violence. During the flash mob, many students got up to walk around and read the words on the shirts.

"We wore the shirts we made to increase awareness," Katie Johnston, '12, said. "People heard about it and could see it too. We want to start these discussions about sexual violence because it doesn't get discussed, and it needs to."

The students who took part in the flash mob were from more than 10 different student groups and organizations, including the women's rugby team, Theta Chi fraternity, the Panhellenic Council, Break the Silence, Pi Beta Phi sorority and the Association of Student Alumni.

In order to keep the event's details low-key, the original eight members recruited people from their own social groups, amounting to over 55 participants.

"The whole point is to promote awareness of sexual violence, and not just at Lehigh, but all over the world," Bialick said.

http://media.www.thebrownandwhite.com/media/storage/paper1233/news/2009/11/13/News/Surprise.flash.Mob.Raises.Sexual.Violence.Awareness-3830484.shtml

When I saw this article, I couldn't help but think what would happen if every school across the nation took 90 seconds to raise awareness? So many people could be touched and inspired by Lehigh Univeristy's example. This event is such a great example that sexual assault awareness evens do not have to take a lot of time, and you do not even have to invite people ot attend. So step outside the box, and make a difference!