Guest Post: Lessons from Greek Days

This guest post was written by Spenser Tang-Smith. Spenser is in charge of operations at WebGreek and writes for WebGreek's blog, discussing issues in the Greek community.

This weekend, the WebGreek team participated in not one, but two “good causes.” I’m not telling the world about this because we’re super-mega-awesome and you should love us (although we are and you should). I’m telling the world because I was impressed by how much can get done by a few dedicated volunteers, and how enjoyable it can be.

As Greeks and as college students, we learned that service is a necessary part of belonging to a community. Everyone belongs to a number of different communities, from family to social group to school to geographic region and even up to the global community. No matter which communities one identifies with, it is important that they serve those communities. At some point, everyone has benefited from the actions of others, be it Mom, or the study group, or the fraternity. It is only fair that we help when we can.

On Saturday, we volunteered at the Greater Bay Area Make-a-Wish Foundation’s largest annual fundraising event, Wine and Wishes on Treasure Island. The food and wine tastings were provided by the top restaurants and wineries in the Bay region, showcasing some of the highlights of our amazing local culinary culture. The evening took place in what used to be a Pan Am hangar on what used to be a naval base, and the whole room was transformed into a beautiful hall full of food, wine, and people 18 years old to 80 years old in their celebratory finery.

The amount of work it takes to convert a hangar into a venue to put on this event is staggering, but a handful of industrious helpers were able to clean up the entire place in under an hour. I was particularly impressed by how well-organized the event was, but even more by the sincere desire of every volunteer to make a difference. People assigned to parking helped to empty trashcans; auction helpers cleaned the volunteer area; and everyone helped haul trash and leftover ice out the back door. All the while we had fun doing it, shooting the breeze with other volunteers and playing the “who can throw the trash bag into the dumpster from the farthest away” game.

The lesson here is that fun and service are not mutually exclusive. This was proven again on Sunday, when we helped set up the 1st Annual Jog for Jill to benefit the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation. It was a beautiful day, and the turnout was fantastic! Over 900 Greeks, parents, friends and children ran, jogged, or walked the course as it wound around UC Berkeley’s campus. The number of people who came out and supported on the weekend was fantastic, and the event has helped raise over $37,000 so far, with many more events scheduled for this year.

We had a great day. We met many of the ladies from KKG, and had a blast schmoozing with our fellow joggers during the leisurely run through campus. The race finished at the Bear’s Lair campus brew pub, where 10% of the proceeds from the after party also benefited the Foundation. Needless to say, it was also fun to help the cause by watching the Super Bowl and eating hot dogs!

There is much that needs to be done, and all it takes is to look around and decide to make a difference. Every little bit helps. For every Martin Luther King Jr., there are thousands of people marching, going door to door, or advocating behind the scenes. Even if you’re not an organizer-type, you still have something to offer: you can paint signs, you can print flyers, you can march and speak and tell your friends. You don’t have to be famous to make a difference.

In many ways, community service is like being an entrepreneur: you must first find a problem to solve, and then you must go about solving it. Kingsley found a way to address the problem of awareness of sexual assault in the Greek system, and GASA now has chapters on several campuses. She’ll tell you it was hard work, but she’ll also tell you that it was more rewarding than it was difficult.

If sexual assault is an issue that speaks to you, then there are plenty of opportunities for yourself or your circle to get involved. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, so take a look here to see what opportunities are available for you to volunteer for. This year the theme is preventing sexual assault on higher education campuses…does that sound relevant? One of my close friends became a crisis counselor and has learned valuable skills, as well as having gotten a very poignant look at the human side of this issue.

Fundraisers and office volunteering are also great ways to help. Since the recession, state budgets have been drastically cut (don’t even get me started on California), and as a result, many shelters and counseling centers have had their funding reduced. They need help to be able to keep providing help, and if you can’t contribute money, most organizations can always use a little help around the office.

One thing college students have more than most people is free time. Finding a way to use that free time is easy. All you have to do is ask.

may this new year be a great year.

My grandma forwarded me this email and I am going to try and do more of these this year...

Handbook 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Share this with the people you care about.

Guest Post for GreekForMe

Check out the guest post I just wrote for GreekForMe:

Greeks Against Sexual Assault, by Kingsley Grafft

by greekforme on January 21, 2010

We recently had the pleasure of meeting Kingsley Grafft, Founder and National Director of Greeks Against Sexual Assault, and she wrote the following guest blog post for us. Sexual assault on college campuses is quickly becoming an epidemic, and with Kingsley’s passion and dedication to educating others about the issue, we can work to help prevent the growing number of sexual assault victims. Kingsley is an exemplary member of Kappa Alpha Theta, and we know her commitment to helping others will only further her future success!

Greeks Against Sexual Assault, by Kingsley Grafft

Becoming a member of the Greek community on your campus is an amazing opportunity. I know that my four years of college would have been far less exciting and entertaining without my sorority sisters, philanthropy events and fraternity parties. And certainly my wardrobe would have been much smaller without my letters, sweatpants, and t-shirts to accompany every event.

During my sophomore year I interned with University of California at Davis’ Campus Violence Prevention Program (CVPP). When I started, I was given one task: get Greeks involved and educate them about sexual assault and domestic violence.

So I began my research and was shocked at what I found.

• 1 out of 4 college women is sexually assaulted
• 50% of sorority women experience some form of sexual coercion
• 10.3% of college rapes happen in a fraternity house
• 90% of sorority women who are sexually assaulted know their assailants
Sources: Copenhaver & Grauerholz, 1991; Fisher, 2000; Warshaw, 1994.

I really believed that Greeks were simply unaware of these statistics; otherwise, they would be doing something to eliminate the problem and provide support to survivors. So in the spring of 2007 I founded Greeks Against Sexual Assault with the hope that I could pass along the information I had learned, and inspire others to make a difference on their own campuses.

The mission statement is this: Greeks Against Sexual Assault works towards increasing awareness, educating, and eliminating sexual assault and dating violence from the Greek community through peer education and activism amongst sororities and fraternities nationwide.

All it takes is a few Greeks to spread awareness and get their campus involved. I’ve been amazed by the programs Greeks have developed nationally and have seen the positive impact they can have. For more information visit us at www.gasanow.org or check out our blog at http://www.loveyounglove.blogspot.com.

Check out their blog at http://blog.greekforme.com/

What are you doing for others?

Hopefully you got to enjoy having yesterday off from work and/or school. I enjoyed sleeping in, catching up with old friends, and even plowing through some school work. Last week in the class I am student teaching we read an article about Martin Luther King Jr. as we were gearing up for the holiday. The article was from SCOPE magazine which is published by Scholastic and is an amazing resource for helping improve literacy skills. I was struck by this quote on the back cover:
How do we speak up about the things that matter in our lives? What could we all be doing more of?

Yesterday my calendar had the following quote from Martin Luther King Jr: "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'"

So I ask you, What are you doing for others? Find what you're passionate about and do that.

New Year, New Look, New Feel...

Happy New Year!

With the start of 2010, I decided it was time for the blog to have a little face-lift along with my twitter site (www.twitter.com/kegrafft).

This year there will be lots more blog posts: mostly written by me, but some of my friends will be making guest appearances as well.

The content will be changing slightly. Although the focus will remain Greeks Against Sexual Assault, sexual assault, domestic violence, and healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, there will be an added personal flair to my writing. Since Greeks Against Sexual Assault is only one of my passions, a few of my others might pop up from time to time as well.

Hope you enjoy...

Guest Post: Be a Gentleman.

This guest post was written by Spenser Tang-Smith. Spenser is in charge of operations at WebGreek and writes for WebGreek's blog, discussing issues in the Greek community.

Kingsley’s guest post on our blog about party themes brought me back to my very first college party. I was still in high school at the time, visiting a freshman friend living in the dorms. After a couple of beers, we hit the town so that I could catch a glimpse of the party scene.

Yes, we were underage…now that I’m a bit older, I promise I will never underage-drink again. Or, to put it less cynically, isn’t it scary how easy it is for youngsters to get booze? Anyway, back to the party.

I was completely blown away by what I saw when we went out that night. My high school was small, and the parties weren’t exactly wild. Everyone knew everyone, so the dress and behavior were pretty conservative. Well, this particular night saw us sneaking into a fraternity party (which apparently needed better security), and my young mind spun wildly from the pounding music, the lights, the hot and sweaty dance floor, and above all else, the girls.

I had never seen so many girls in my life! At least it felt that way. And what sent me into sensory overload was what little clothing some of them were wearing. Fueled by hormones and alcohol, I went over to the first girl I saw, who looked like she was dressed for the beach, and started dancing how I thought she wanted to be danced with. I was very very wrong, and let’s just say that my consolation prize was a drink without a cup, if you know what I mean.

Let me be clear: I’m not trying to excuse myself. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that what I was doing was wrong the moment I sauntered over. Acting on that impulse instead of taking a breath and listening to my conscience was not a good feeling, because I was selling myself short.

Let this story be a parable, a warning if you will. Guessing what a girl wants by her appearance, and acting on that assumption without clarifying, is at best dangerous and at worst it is illegal. I understood very clearly right then that exposed skin does not equal a hands-on exhibit. I absolutely regret my actions, but in retrospect, I’m very glad I learned that lesson early, before college even started.

I wish I could say the same for some of my peers, who had not had a similar experience in the past, or had somehow ignored the lesson. Walking down the street on a Saturday night (or in Isla Vista, any night), some of my friends and acquaintances were prone to remarks such as “Dude, that girl is looking to get laid tonight.” Believe it or not, gentlemen, that girl probably isn’t. She may be headed to a theme party, she may just want to feel sexy, but she is NOT wearing a sign on her neck that says “molest me.” In my view, she deserves respect for braving the chilly, foggy nights, when I found myself shivering in jeans!

So kudos to the ladies out there who wear whatever they want. The gentlemen will respect you regardless of your attire. On the whole, though, the reality remains that skimpy gets more attention than bundled up, all else being equal. It’s largely due to the fact that many men have the following graph in their heads:

Of course the above graph is satirical. Most of my best friends were great guys, as were the majority of my classmates. After all, we had gotten into one of the top public universities in the country, so we had to be doing something right.

If we want to make it so that sweatpants and sweatshirts are the same as lingerie in terms of making a girl popular at a wild several-hundred-person fraternity party, we’ll need to change a lot of things about college parties that are frankly not going to change, at least not soon. But a safe party atmosphere means that no matter how sexually charged the dance floor is, everyone is entitled to their personal space. A girl is never sending “the wrong signal,” or “asking for it.” End of story.

And guys, no one can stop you from looking, but if you don’t know her and don’t have the willingness to get to know her, at least respect her. You would not be happy if someone grabbed your wallet, because it’s stealing. You can be damn sure that grabbing anything of hers is also illegal, and even if it wasn’t, are you really going to be happy looking at yourself in the mirror later? Be a gentleman to every girl you meet, from every end of the clothing spectrum, and encourage your friends to do the same. Who knows, the word might spread that you’re a decent fellow! It worked for me, and unlike getting a drink thrown at you, I promise you won’t regret it.

Party like a rockstar? No. Party like a Greek!

Here's a blog post I just wrote for WebGreek. Check out their blog at http://blog.webgreek.com/.

It’s no secret that the Greeks throw the best parties. Every weekend, Greeks and non-Greeks alike flock to fraternity parties.

We know parties are a huge reason people join the Greek community. I went through sorority recruitment 8 hours after moving into my dorm room freshman year, and a week later I suddenly had my whole social calendar planned out for me. Although philanthropic opportunities, friendship, family tradition, and networking connections are also top reasons for joining, both Greeks and non-Greeks recognize the social life as a highlight of being Greek.

As a staple of college life, fraternity parties often set the tone of the Greek community, and project the Greek image to the rest of the college campus. It is important to realize the implications and pressures the party themes have on both Greek life and the people attending the parties.

For college freshmen, going to a fraternity party is practically a rite of passage. Seventeen Magazine’s blogger, Brita, even posted some tips for first-timers this past October.

On any given weekend, members of the Greek community are probably hosting or attending parties with themes like “CEOs and Office Hoes” or “Pajama Party” which inevitably turns into a lingerie party.

In November 2007, Yale Daily News ran an article called, “Feminism is not a bad word.” Throughout the article there is a discussion of party themes, female objectification vs. female empowerment, and the feminist movement on this campus.

Here’s a little excerpt from the article:

“Though his group’s parties are all named after natural disasters, Brad Hann ’09, president of Yale’s former chapter of Beta Theta Pi fraternity, suggests that other frats select these sometimes explicit themes to create a mood, rather than to marginalize or offend individuals. “The purpose of the theme of the party is to set the tone,” Hann said. “It doesn’t sound good, but it’s kind of meant to help create a sexually charged environment, and I think it’s intentional.” But whether the themes are intended to be funny, set a mood or simply suggest a particular dress code, the potential for offense still exists. And more troubling to feminists is the possibility that a sexual atmosphere may lead to unwelcome sexual contact, especially when alcohol is involved.”

And yes, I know what you’re thinking…women decide what they want to wear and if they want to dress like that why should we stop having parties with these themes. You’re absolutely right. Women do make their own choices about what to wear. And I would hope that if a woman showed up to a Pajama Party wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt instead of a barely-there negligee that she would have just as many guys talking to her. But, the reality is that these two outfits would garner two VERY different responses.

After a quick Google search of “fraternity party themes,” I found some that step away from the “Insert catchy title here and Hoes” themes and make parties a little more interesting:

- Alphabet Party (example: “P Party” everyone dresses up as something that starts with the letter P. We went to a party like this my freshman year and people dressed up as Post-its, Price tags, Princesses, etc.)

- Represent Your State (Finally a chance to show off your hometown pride at a party with a theme other than “NorCal vs. SoCal”)

- High School Cliques (Maybe even a Glee themed party…)

Lately, Greeks have been taking steps to host parties more responsibly. At the University of Michigan, IFC and NPC are coming together to increase risk management at parties. Fraternities have started making guest lists, checking ids at the door, and issuing wristbands to keep all guests safe. And don’t worry; with lots of college undergrads the party will have a sexually charged atmosphere regardless of what theme you choose.

Shallow party themes appear to be hosted by shallow people. As Patrick mentioned in his previous blog post, “If you run a deep search of the NIC, NPC, NPHC, and NMGC member chapters, you will find that consistent among the values that support our foundations are leadership, justice, friendship, morality, and service.” Show your campus that you and your brothers are clever enough to come up with something other than telling women they need to dress like ‘hoes.’ The solution to this problem is simple- step outside the stereotypical bubble of chauvinistic party themes and get creative without objectifying the women you are inviting to your parties. And women, project your sexiness with a few more articles of clothing.

So here’s my challenge…try out one of these new themes, or come up with your own.

Make it acceptable for just one night for a girl to be sexy by showing up to a Pajama Party in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Image courtesy of Victoria’s Secret

P.S. For the record, I know non-Greeks throw parties with these themes too…but they probably aren’t reading this blog.